my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
