I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
