i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
