Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
