We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
