Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
