he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
