don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
