I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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