My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
