ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
