someone owes me an orgasm
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
