Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
third nipple confirmed
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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