I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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