I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
