I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
