There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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