i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I still have a little drunk in my system
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
