i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's official drugs can't kill me
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
