I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
