so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
