he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
