it's like iHOP with fire
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
