Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize