Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
