A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize