Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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