i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
