we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
