I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize