I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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