This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
