Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
