i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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