Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
