as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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