i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
