he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
