How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
