There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
