What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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