I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
