Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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