i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you would pick up someone in the library
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
