She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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