Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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