he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
