I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
