yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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