i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
