The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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