i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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