The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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