I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
