You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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