I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
