my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
