She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
