I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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