a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
