My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
