Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
