I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize