When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
