im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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