do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
