do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize