I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she told me i tasted like america
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
