Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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